The Likely Centenary: His Lordship's Greatest Hits
November 5th, 1856.
Remember, remember the fifth of November. Not because of that awful terrorist bastard Guy Fawkes, and his preposterous plan to blow up the Houses of Parliament. No, dear readers, the real reason to remember this historic day is that it is the very day that I, Lord Likely, celebrate my one-hundredth journal entry! Hurrah, and indeed, huzzah!
Who would have imagined that when I set out to transcribe my thrilling adventures in my trusted journals all those months ago, that I would still be writing them one-hundred entries later?
Well, I would have imagined it, of course, as I am cocking-well brilliant.
Naturally, to celebrate such a milestone I set about cracking open a fresh bottle of champagne - quite literally, infact, as Botter did a terrible job of opening the bottle himself, leaving me with little recourse but to smash the bottle open upon his wretched skull. Of course, he then whined and moaned and carried on about needing 'several stitches' to his head, but I was not going to let a bleeding man-servant ruin my celebrations, and so I carried on drinking while he passed out under the table in a pool of his own scarlet.
Happy times!
Feeling in such a reflective and celebratory mood, I thought I would re-read my journals and select my favourite moments. A surprising amount of these choice cuts seem to revolve around me injuring someone, which is why I refer to them as:
Lord Likely's Greatest Hits!
Here then, for posterity, are my finest entries thus far. Of course, all my writings are as equally excellent as each other, but these selections have a little extra something. And a not-so-little extra something, as well (I am referring to my cock, there).
Enjoy!
My very first entry, in which Botter injures himself not once, but twice, much to my amusement. Good times, I say. Good times.
Enjoy!
My very first entry, in which Botter injures himself not once, but twice, much to my amusement. Good times, I say. Good times.
Horses, in which I give details about my collection of horses. In lesser hands, this would have been a dull entry, but I make it fascinating and fantastic, as is my way.
Aches and Pains, in which I list some of the injuries I have suffered whilst trying to remain so gloriously composed and ravishing.
Brawls I Have Known, where I recount some of my more violent sojourns to various drinking establishments around the country.
Fight to the End, in which I tackle a small army of bloodthirsty prostitutes.
The Astonishing Adventures of Lady Likely, where I recall some of the escapades of my dear mother, the errant Lady Likely.
Things I Have Stabbed, says it all, really.
Things I Have Stabbed - Part Two, also says it all, really.
Ladies I Have Loved and Lost, in which I recall a small selection of the many sexual conquests of my past.
Shopping Habits of a Lord, whereby I list some of the fine establishments I frequent when shopping.
A Wanted Man, in which I become a fugitive from the law, and have my handsome face plastered all over 'Wanted' posters across London Town.
Banquet and Wild, wherein I attend a party thrown in my honour, only to be forcibly ejected from said party not long after it has commenced.
Dealing with Aristocratic Anger, in which I demonstrate exactly what to expect should you find yourself disagreeing with my lordly self.
A Tidal Wave of Filth, wherein plans for my gloriously decadent Porn Library are exposed to the world.
All Rise for Her Majesty, in which I reveal my barely-concealed lust for the monarch, Queen Victoria. God Save Her!
The Likely Family Tree, in which I give a little bit of background on the Likely family.
Pounding the Palmerston, wherein I have a wank, or at least try to.
Loopy Lisa, in which I nearly wind up getting wed to something that closely resembles a man.
Lord Likely's Schooldays, in which I recall some of my scholastic memories, some of which almost got me expelled.
If You Are Going to Party Then Party Hard, wherein I have one hell of a birthday party, and wind up many miles from home.
Quite a fine selection of wondrous writings from my incalculably incredible self there, I am sure you will agree. And I am sure you will not hesitate to join me in proposing a toast to the next one-hundred entries, and many more astonishing adventures. Especially as the booze is on me!
CHEERS!
- Lord Likely.
The Likely Centenary will continue apace for the rest of the week, where lucky readers can expect to bear witness to Lord Likely's Birthday Honours, an all-new Likely Portrait, more recollections of his lordship's schooldays and more besides. Chin-chin!
14 remarkable remarks remarked:
M'Lord, a mere 100?
The masses will most surely revolt!
Congrats, Lord Likely! Have you done a post on the Likely family tree? I'd like to hear about your aristocratic heritage.
Congrats! So, I realize you are like a million years old, but I swear I ran into your's and Miss Titty-Titty's love child. I was at an Indian casino this weekend when I heard the distinctive clip of the Queen's English. I turned around to see the voice belonged to a Native American chap! You should check- I think he might be worth several million Dollars (or several hundred Pounds).
Good day, fellow revelers!
Mr. Lobo, I generally find the masses to be pretty revolting anyway!
Mr. Diesel, thank you, sir. And in answer to your query, yes, I did write about the Likely lineage, and you shall find the link to said post in my Greatest Hits selection. Huzzah!
Mr. Ghost, if this Native fellow was gambling at the casino, I may well be interested in tracking him down. If, however, he was merely serving drinks or shuffling cards, then I should like to remain estranged from him!
Carry on!
- Lord Likely.
Congratulations my dear Lord Likely! I raise my cups & toast to your incredible...massive... inexhaustible...not to mention ASTONISHING...diary! You (and Lord Palmerston) should feel quite pleased with yourself! More champagne, please?
~Olga
dear Lord Palmerston.
Congratulations! It must be hard.
I'd reread Ladies I have Loved and Lost but it might make me jealous
Many felicitations on this most august of anniversaries!
I hesitate to draw your attention to such a humble person as I, but it is also my 100th post (although of course as your journal entries are so splendid, each of yours is worth two of my meager efforts) but as it is also my birthday (an unnumbered event whose number shall remain a closely guarded secret) I thought it might be worth mentioning.
I trust you will be fortifying yourself with lots of vintage champagne and suitably aristocratic
snacks (I hear caviar flavoured crisps are yummy). Oh and cake.
Happy days!
I echo diane. Many felicitations. 'Felicitations' - isn't that Latin for what the French call 'smoking the cigare a moustache'? I'm partial to a good felicitation myself before turning into bed. After 100 entries, I should think you'd like nothing better than a nice relaxing felicitation. I know I would...
Huzzah on the 100th post!!!!!! This calls for a wild celebration of orgiastic proportions. Either that, or a nice strong martini shall suffice!
Good day, you fine people!
My dear Olga, exactly how much alcohol can one bra hold? I"d wager you could get a fair bit in those cups of yours.
Lord Rumbaldus, it is hard. So very hard INDEED.
My dear Nurse Myra, do not get jealous! There is plenty of room on my luxurious four-poster bed for all! Huzzah!
Ms. Diane, thank you for your lovely words, and I wish you all the best on your double celebration! I think that calls for TWICE the champagne, don't you?
Mr. Boopadoopboy, a good, long felicitation would suit me admirably, I feel. Any takers?
Ms. Beenzzz, thank you. And I like the way you think! A Martini-fuelled orgiastic celebration sounds just the ticket! Let us all adjourn to the bedroom, at once!
Toodle-pip!
- Lord Likely.
M'lud, your gospel is weighty enough to found a new religion!
Ah, Rickey sees that like any good strumpet, the good Lord has a knack for self pimpage. Well done sir.
Congratulations on being 100, and a fine reflection of your aristocratic lifestyle. You don't look a day over 101
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